There Simply Are Other Ways of Being
On being accommodating, being open-minded, and once again, extending grace…
For principled people, it’s often difficult to see things go differently from your plan. It’s even more difficult watching people do things in a way you don’t think is right. I tweeted a couple of days, "I know exactly what I want, and sometimes, it’s more of a problem than a good thing.”
Let’s start with the simplest things. I like arranged spaces; I like to think that they’re a depiction of how the inhabitant’s life is. Most times, when my room is scattered, it’s because I do not have my shit together and at that point, I’m too tired to try. I start to arrange when I’m trying so hard to get things back in order. So when I go to a place that’s not arranged, it ticks me. Unwillingly and unconsciously, I start to put similar-coloured pens together, stack the smaller books on the bigger ones, etc. I once shared a space with a [then] friend, and I almost always was frustrated. I wanted the bed to be as smooth as I left it and the door locked. I wanted the lights off and the curtains down because I don’t like light. Of course, I didn’t make a fuss about it, but I kept asking myself, “Why is she doing this?”
I don’t believe in being a morning or a night person; I get things done when I want to, whether it’s bright outside or not. So before, whenever I saw someone say they’re a morning or night person as a reason to postpone something, I used to think they were unserious.
I don’t start a new book until I finish the current one. My good friend, on the other hand, can have about four half-read books per time. I used to think he was someone who lacked focus, lol.
I can do multiple things at once. I can watch a Netflix movie while working or listen to a podcast while cooking. So when I see people say they want to focus on one thing at a time, stalling till one is completely done before moving to the other, I just wonder how they’re comfortable with wasting time.
Some people are what you’d refer to as traditional: they won’t ask a guy out or enter the car without him opening the door. Some people, on the other hand, do not exactly care. They don’t use it as a metric for intentionality or affection.
Some people want to be full housewives when they’re grown, and others would drink the Blood of Jesus and cast out the demon inside of you when you mention the idea of being a housewife. “Dead that thought; what’s going to happen to being a practising Engineer?”
It’s easy to cast stones when you are used to doing things a certain way. You’d think that something is definitely wrong with everyone around you or that they aren’t seeing the big picture.
When I decided I was going to write this, it was because I watched a movie [I can’t remember the title at the moment, though]. Someone had mentioned, “Let people be; there simply are other ways of being.” It stuck with me even though the title of the movie didn’t.
Some people are okay with being able to afford only what they need while some want to gather much wealth, and that’s okay. A good example would be the love languages: some people prefer being told to being shown and vice versa, and that’s okay. It doesn’t make one person less lovable than the other.
I think the entire point of this piece is to encourage you to be accommodating. There are different paths to achieving a single goal, and sometimes, some people do not even share the same goal as you. Rather than throwing stones at people who do things differently from you in your mind, maybe just focus on the end result.
Your coursemate only reads at night, but does she finish the course outline? Yes? That’s what matters, right? You read all day and you also covered the outline. Different paths; same goal.
Even if I say that the goal is the same — being fulfilled, people find fulfilment in different ways. Don’t impose your definition of fulfilment on others.
Let people be; there simply are other ways of being.
Of course, there is the other side to this. To show the balance, I’d probably write about the other side sometime.