“Shut Out The Noise” and others

Lessons from “Be Fearless: Give Yourself to be You” by Jane Egerton-Idehen

I started reading my copy of Be Fearless: Give Yourself Permission to be You at about 12:15 am this morning, and by 1:59 am, I was already done reading and began writing this piece (something like a review). Yes, I read rather quickly, but that’s not what happened with this book. It was because it contained a story I could relate to in many ways. Less than halfway into the book, I sent a message to my friend, Tobs, saying, “I can see why I love this woman. We’re alike in many ways I didn’t even know.” I shared some lessons that I may have read or heard before but were re-echoed differently in the book in this piece. Aside from the book’s larger lesson, daring to dream and pursue it, I have outlined some seemingly minimal yet essential points.

1. Shut out the noise.

On pages 27 and 28, Jane shared about her dream to study Engineering and how people, including some of her family members, thought she should pursue a “less demanding” degree. If you know me, you probably know I fought my way to studying Engineering (a story for another day); that’s likely why I loved this part.

People will always try to talk you down. Sometimes, it is out of love, albeit wrongly expressed. They are scared of you failing, so they want you to dream a little less wildly. They don’t want you to regret your choices, so they want you to choose differently from the onset. Like Jane, remember why you want to do it, and run with it. Shut out all the noise.

I love Shut Out The Noise, an article by Jas Takhar. He describes what shutting out the noise does as “It trains you to listen to your gut, giving you the understanding that what you want is attainable. It gives you the drive to live your dreams while not being absorbed by the fears of others.”

There’s a need to receive advice from people who have gone ahead of you or are more experienced. However, you need to be able to discern when it’s them projecting their fears on you. There should be a balance.

Shut out the noise; run with your dream.

2. Be kind to people; they may need it, and they’ll remember it.

Jane speaks about Dr Osuagwu, a lecturer in her university who consistently let her know that he believed in her and that she could do it. Years later, she remembers him and writes about him in her book.

That person, on my end, would be Dr Sosimi (of blessed memory), who, throughout my first year of university, would casually mention how he was proud of me and wanted me to excel. He took the course advisor job notches higher. He’d monitor my progress in school and assign me to “seniors” who would guide me at the time.

Like Jane, I remember him now and then, acknowledging his role in my academics and confidence boost. Be kind to people. They need it. They’ll remember it. In a previous article, I wrote more about being kind: It’s the little things.

3. Your (realistic) standards are not too high; don’t settle.

In the opening chapter, Jane spoke about her relationship with Peace, how she felt like she was losing her voice and may be unable to go after her dreams if she tied the knot with him. It didn’t matter that she had been with him for more than half a decade; she agreed to end things anyway.

Fast forward to being with Egerton, the man who she’d eventually marry and with whom she’d build a family. He’d later wade through challenging situations with her, accord her respect, support her in her career, and even write a part of her debut book.

It could have seemed like she was asking for too much while with Peace. After all, no be she go first dream, abi? In the end, she eventually found someone who fit into the standards of what she wanted and is living happily ever after with him.

You can have a partner whose banter with you is unmatched but still respects you. You can have a partner who pushes you to dream and encourages you rather than squashing them. Your standards are not too high; don’t settle for less because it seems like you’re running out of time or you have “invested” so much in the relationship.

4. That relationship can work if you put in the work.

Jane spoke about managing her career, family, and marriage. She talked about her husband’s sacrifices for her and hers for him. She said about the things she had to decline to spend time with her family.

This is me talking to myself (and you): you may have to go the extra mile for your relationship to work. Make out time, put aside the pride, be vulnerable, learn, and grow. The relationship is likely to work if you put in the work.

5. Share your story

Look at me at 2:45 am, finishing up a piece about a book I loved, a story I enjoyed and could relate to. I feel seen and understood, and although it sounds cliche, in this very moment, I feel like I can hit my goals, despite the crippling doubt I have had recently. You should share your story; it’ll definitely help someone. It could provide the reassurance they need at the time.

The entire book was written in a simple yet engaging manner, showing the transition of a girl who dared to dream into a woman who’s achieved many of the dreams and is still dreaming and echoing the words of hope and reassurance to whoever reads it.

That’s a not-so-short, unorthodox summary of the best book I have read in a while. You should read it (especially if you’re a woman in a male-dominated field or trying to break through from a “humble” background and wondering if it’s possible). You can purchase a hardcopy of Be Fearless: Give Yourself Permission to be You by Jane Egerton-Idehen at Roving Heights Bookstore or a softcopy on OkadaBooks, Amazon, Bambooks, or Litireso.